Posted by
Bert Chapman on Tuesday, August 26, 2008 10:27:24 AM
9:00 AM Opening Invocation-Shirley Maclaine and her imaginary New Age Avatars
9:15 Nancy Pelosi-How to Keep Oil and Gas Prices High and Not Address America's Energy Problems
10:00 John Conyers-It's Time for Slavery Reparations and Other Irrelevant Criminal Justice Issues
10:45 Wiccan Prayer Observance
11:15 Plagiarism Seminar-Joe Biden will demonstrate how you can plagiarize a leftist British Political Leader's speech and still become
your party's vice-presidential nominee. Sure to inspire current and future plagiarists!
12-2 Lunch at the place of your choice. Be sure to avoid transfats, places that use sweatshop labor or products produced in sweatshops, avoid non-union, non-organic, patriarchal, racist, homophoboic, misognyistic, and military-industrial complex owned entities or subsidaries.
2:00 pm. Pretend to care about the poor rally. Great opportunity to denounce Bush tax cuts!
2:30 Promoting carbon trading and other global warming delusions. This session will teach delegates how to address environmental issues by imposing onerous legal, economic, and regulatory burdens on the poor and middle class. Particular emphasis will be placed on developing the ability to use incendiary and vituperative rhetoric to denounce critics of Democratic environmental beliefs.
3:30-4:00 Break. Should not be used for emitting a carbon trail.
4:00 Neville Chamberlain Appeasement Appreciation-This session will teach delegates how to appease Islamist terrorists by advocating continuing withdrawal from Iraq and Afghanistan. Delegates will be given the opportunity to adopt a Guantanamo terrorist and contribute to their financial and legal support during their incarceration. Delegates contributing at premium level will get the opportunity to fly to Guantanamo to meet, greet, hug, console, and commiserate with their terrorists. Those of a spiritual inclination may actually choose to "pray" with their terrorist adoptee. (Not that we would allow this to happen in public schools.) or
4:00 Promoting Homosexuality Seminar-Learn how to promote gay "marriage", civil unions, bathhouses, and the transgendered lifestyle in your community, place of worship, library collections, museums etc.
5:00 Oprah Winfrey Show. The Oprah will be telecasting her show live at the convention center and help get us fired up for our messiah's acceptance speech later this week.
6:00-8:00 Dinner at the place of your choice. Same lunchtime ideological and dietary conditions apply.
8:00 Comedic medley by Jeremiah Wright, Al Sharpton, and Jesse Jackson. Extra special appearance by Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick
9:00 Bill and Hillary Clinton discuss political ethics with Tony Rezko
10:00 Featured speaker-Bill Ayers will discuss his "good old days" with the Weather Underground and how he and Barack are soulmates.